Waxwork - 1988

Caffeine, Nazis, yuppies...basically Less Than Zero in a horror setting. Two girls are invited to an oddly-placed wax museum. Assuredly odd due to the fact its placement is discussed no less than four times. Early on, the girls and friends (who will surely die quickly) seem completely brain dead. References to sex, drugs, alcohol and school are typical of these films but here sound much more tacked on. As the group approaches the waxwork, they seem randomly terrified by an otherwise normal looking building. A horrific baby-faced midget welcomes the group inside as 'Lurch' makes an appearance. Lots of self-opening doors in this place. The portal to another dimension that lurks inside a display doesn't seem to bother yuppie guy much. He seems quite content, except for the lack of cigarettes, that is. POV shot of a wolf on wheels? Of course the rescue squad drops the bullets. Wolfman brushes off a chair shot and squeeze-rips a useless man in half. What looked to be an interesting transformation was halted before any real effects showed up. The next set piece looks to be Snow White in a very empty dining room. Nice neckerchief in this scene. Raw meat? I find it odd that these teens don't seem very nervous to be in completely different times and or settings. The blood sauce is a nice touch. The meat is eaten with no problem, that's what everyone does when presented with raw random meat, right? These vampires sure are sloppy. The slightest step throws an attacker completely off his game. Finally, at 33 minutes we get some gore fx. What a surprise, the missing flesh from the random guy on a table was the main course earlier. There was actually a discussion about this. The remaining vampires attack and, seconds after being told how to kill them, she stabs one in the stomach. Guess that exact information was forgotten real quickly. Super gooey forehead melt. One vamp is dispatched by champagne impalement, close up of the bottle spraying through her. Wettest bite of all time as the neckerchief leader gets his girl. Funny how when the displays are shown, they all move. Supposed to be wax, right? Couldn't hold that breath for one take I guess. The entire museum can be searched in about eight seconds. Cue blues harmonica and odd 'karate' crewneck. Phantom of the Opera moved a bunch in that close up. Awkward romantic conversation, one of the worst I've ever watched. Girl leans in for a kiss, backs away and says that's not what she's looking for. Then thanks the guy...so odd. Suddenly we are taken to a large Spanish woman that's throwing paper at a clock. The plot thickens as an echo and incorrectly chosen music plays. "I told you everything I know, yes!" Police investigation of missing people consists of looking at one display for less than a minute. Horrendous overacting during the classroom scene. The police station has the loudest fan blades of all time. "Staff Only" sign is on the opposite side of entrance, how would he know? Officer scrapes a clay cheek and decides to core out an entire jaw. Strong Ouija board placement in the revelation scene. Marquis de Sade? Now I'm sold on this film. How does someone "seem" to die in great pain? The waxwork owner has been dead the whole time? How convenient. Super close up of a pinky ring. Mummy's hands slap together when a scroll is removed, shouldn't he be dead...zombie mummy from hell squishes heads. Chocolate sauce leaks from mouths as a hand cannon goes off, slowest approach and strike ever captured on film. Godfather wears safari clothing and has a jungle-trimmed wheelchair. Snub nose revolver, wayfarers and supercop gets his neck snapped as soon as he appears. Big man Lurch gets real small when yelled at. 666 finally makes an appearance. Even the handicapped godfather can't be trusted! Lighter fluid to burn down a building, why not? Wax figure screams? Everyone seems to have very loud snaps. A night filled with rape, beating and whipping doesn't seem to faze this lady. Monochrome graveyard drippy zombie action. Lurch is suddenly slow and weak. About to die by whipping yet, no blood. Now that the hero is aware of Satan's masterful wax plan, escape is possible. Cancel that. The finale set piece is filled with blue lighting and horrid effects. Wait! A legion of armed senior citizens arrive to save the day! An amazing quick sequence of a tribesman being thrown and emotionally killed saved the film. "We've got battles to win!" For a man having just been stabbed, he seems quite comfortable. Exploding clay baby and a bat headshot! Audrey 2? A plant-thing says "feed me" and is fed indeed. Fencing scene lasts a tab bit long. So, she threw the hatchet? Is that a ray gun? Eww, he fell into milk gravy. Godfather's head wasn't very securely fastened. Bad burning shot of the building as music I swear was on the Kickboxer soundtrack plays. So, the hand survives? Suspension of disbelief, indeed. This film was a hilarious mix of gore and unintentional humor. So many odd things happen that I had to just talk about them all. The last ten minutes are great. 6/10